Naruto Commercial Tryouts
by HieiDragonFire
Summary: The Naruto characters tryout for commercials.
1. Why They Never Should Put Deidre And

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 1 :**

"**Why They Never Should Put Deidre**

**And Tobi Together For A Commercial''**

The entire Naruto cast are trying out for commercials. Naruto sighed and looked at the director.

"Do we have to do this ? ,'' Naruto whined.

"Yes ,'' Anko said.

"Explain to me why I have to go out in my boxers for my commercial ? ,'' he asked.

"Who said you had to do that ? ,'' Anko inquired.

"The director ,'' Naruto replied.

Anko got an angry look on her face.

"She DID , did she ? ,'' she asked angrily.

Anko stormed up to the director.

"HEY , JACKASS ! ,'' Anko shouted.

The director looked up at her.

"Yes ? ,'' the director asked.

"Why are you having my Naruto go out in his boxers ? ,'' Anko asked.

"Because I'm a sadistic bitch ,'' she replied.

"Fair enough ,'' Anko said.

"Okay ,'' the director said , "ON WITH THE FIRST COMMERCIAL ! TOBI AND DEIDRE YOU'RE UP !''

( ON STAGE )

Deidre looked at Tobi and then at the camera. He smiled and then looked at the script hanging in front of him from behind the camera.

"Greetings ,'' Deidre said , "My name is Deidre and my partner Tobi and I like to use MAJORTY condoms when we . . .Tobi , what are you doing ?''

"These condoms are rather small , aren't they ? ,'' Tobi replied.

"Yes , I suppose they are ,'' he said , "Any who , when me and my partner Tobi use these condoms we get quite the gratifying experience. Don't we , Tobi ?''

"Actually , I don't think your tiny penis would fit in this thing ,'' Tobi said.

Deidre sweat dropped.

"Tobi , you're supposed to be reading the script ,'' Deidre said.

"I know , but your penis is just to small for this ,'' he stated , "Do they have a smaller size ?''

"Tobi , stop talking about my size and fallow what's on the script , you dip shit ,'' Deidre stated.

"But the script lies ,'' Tobi replied , "Master Pain always tells Tobi to tell the truth.''

"Well guess what ? ,'' he asked , "Pain isn't here. Now read the damned script.''

Tobi shook his head.

"Tobi don't wanna ,'' Tobi said.

"If you do then . . . ,'' Deidre started.

He walked up to Tobi and whispered in his ear. The masked man brightened up and then smiled.

"My partner and I like to use Majority Condoms when we have sex ,'' Deidre said.

"Yes ,'' Tobi stated taking a condom out of the box , "Let's do it right now.''

"WHAT ?! ,'' he shouted , "WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY ?! WE CAN'T DO THAT HERE ! PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THIS CRAP !''

"Tobi not mind ,'' Tobi said.

"Well , DEIDRE dose mind ,'' Deidre stated , "There is no way I'm going to have sex with you on television.''

"I'm wearing my Dinosaur boxers ,'' he said.

"YOU . . . .You are ? ,'' Deidre asked , "Well why didn't you say so ? Come here , stud muffin.''

Tobi jumped in to Deidre's arms and they proceeded to have sex. The director and everyone else had to leave the room for obvious reasons.

"Deidre ? ,'' Tobi asked.

"Yes ? ,'' he asked.

"I forgot to use the condom ,'' Tobi said.

Deidre laughed.

End Of Chapter : 1.


	2. Why Shower Sex Is Dangerous

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 2 :**

"**Why Shower Sex Is Dangerous''**

The director looked at the stage and then picked up her microphone.

"Okay ,'' she said , "Madara and Itachi you're up.''

Madara and Itachi walked on to the stage.

( ON STAGE )

"Ahem ,'' Madara began , "Me and my partner Itachi are here to talk to you today about why . . . .Shower Sex is dangerous.''

"Yes ,'' Itachi said , "If you're having sex with your partner in the shower then you could be seriously injured or worse.''

"Yeah ,'' he replied , "Orochimaru and Kabuto did that and look what happened.'' Itachi held up the pictures.

"OOO , TOBI WANT A COPY ! ,'' Tobi shouted.

"YOU SICK BASTARDS ! ,'' Orochimaru shouted.

"YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO SEW THAT BACK ON ?! ,'' Kabuto shouted.

Everyone looked at him. Kabuto blushed in embarrassment.

"Yes ,'' Itachi said , "Well anyway , if you don't want this to happen to your little friend in your pants or any other body part then don't have sex in the shower.''

"You mean like we did last night ? ,'' Madara asked smiling with a seductive look in his Sharigan eyes.

"Shut up , Madara ,'' he replied , "People don't need to know that.''

"Oh you're just being shy , I can tell ,'' Madara said , "I can see it in your eyes. I see the lust , passion and desire. I know you want me.''

"I don't . . . ,'' Itachi started.

He looked in to Madara's eyes and smiled.

"Alright , honey ,'' Itachi said , "Let's find a shower and give the viewers a real show to enjoy.''

Ten Minuets Later . . .

Madara and Itachi were in the shower and the director was still video taping them. Madara picked up the soap and started to lather it on Itachi's chest. Some of the soap squirted in to Itachi's eye.

"OW ! ,'' Itachi shouted , "DAMN IT ! MY EYE !''

"Oh , I'm sorry ,'' Madara said , "Here let me clean it out.''

Next Madara poked Itachi in the eye.

"OW ! ,'' he shouted , "MADARA , YOU FUCKTARD !''

"SORRY ! ,'' Madara shouted , "Why don't you get your eye underneath the water and wash it out.''

Itachi moved forward and his nose poked Madara in the eye. Madara stepped forward and stepped on Itachi's foot.

"OW ! ,'' Itachi shouted , "YOU SON OF BITCH !''

Next Itachi punched Madara in the balls and Madara passed out. Itachi walked blindly out of the shower and bathroom and started to walk down the hall with the camera still following him. Itachi walked in to his dressing room and over to the window. Next he opened the window and climbed out on to the window sill.

"I STILL CAN'T SEE ! ,'' Itachi shouted , "WHERE THE HE -

Next Itachi walked off the window sill and landed in a trash dumpster.

"What's that smell ? ,'' he asked.

End Of Chapter : 2.


	3. Kyubi , Naruto And Viagra

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 3 :**

**"Kyubi , Naruto and Viagra''**

The director sat in her chair smoking a cigarette and then looked at her watch.

"Okay , Naruto and Kyubi are up for their Viagra commercial ,'' she said , "This should be interesting.''

( ON STAGE )

Kyubi and Naruto looked at each other and then at the camera. They smiled and began their commercial.

"Greetings , folks ,'' Kyubi said , "My friend Naruto and I are here to talk to you today about Viagra.''

"Yeah ,'' Naruto stated , "Vigara increases your sexual stamina and it can give you and your sexual partner a great night in bed.''

"Of course ,'' he replied , "Me and Tsunade use it all the time when we . . .you know.''

Kyubi winked.

"KYUBI ! ,'' Tsunade shouted.

"Sorry , love ,'' Kyubi replied.

"And me and Anko just started using it last week and it has definitely improved our sex life ,'' Naruto said.

"Pff ,'' Anko muttered , "As if.''

Naruto blushed.

"Anyways ,'' Kyubi stated , "This shit is great so go out and buy our special Konoha brand of Viagra called KONAHA THE REAL JUICE VIAGRA. The number to call is 1-877-PAIN CAN KISS MY ASS. Call now while supplies last.''

Naruto opened the box and took out two capsules. Next he handed one to the fox and they both took them.

"Man , I'm not feeling anything ,'' Naruto said.

"Yeah ,'' Kyubi said , "I think we got ripped off.''

Next the fox looked over at Tsunade and smiled.

"BABY ! ,'' the fox shouted.

Next Kyubi ran and jumped off the stage landing on Tsunade. Next he started to hump her. Naruto blinked and then looked at Anko.

"Uh oh ,'' Naruto said.

Next he jumped on Anko and started to hump her as well.

"OH , NARUTO ! ,'' Anko shouted.

The director laughed and clapped her hands.

"That's a wrap ,'' she said.

End Of Chapter : 3.


	4. Itachi , Sasuke And Genjutsu

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 4 :**

"**Itachi , Sasuke and Genjutsu"**

The director looked at the list and then over at the two Uchiha brothers. She smiled.

"Your turn , guys ,'' she said.

( ON STAGE )

Itachi and Sasuke looked at each other and then at the camera. The director gave them the thumbs up sign.

"Greetings folks ,'' Sasuke said , "My asshole of a brother and I would like to talk to you today about Genjutsu.''

"Yes ,'' Itachi stated , "My dip shit brother knows nothing about Genjutsu so I'll explain it to you.''

"No ,'' he replied , "I will.''

"Fuck off and die ,'' Itachi said.

"You first , ass wipe ,'' Sasuke growled.

"LICK MY ASS ! ,'' he shouted.

"AFTER YOU KISS MINE ! ,'' Sasuke shouted back.

"Guys - ,'' the director started.

"SHUT UP AND STAY OUT OF IT ! ,'' they shouted.

"Okay ,'' she muttered sitting down.

"THAT'S IT ! ,'' Sasuke shouted , "It's go time.''

Next they both activated their Mangekyo Sharingans. Next they both appeared in a Genjutsu.

Sasuke In Itachi's Genjutsu :

_Sasuke looked around and then saw a naked Orochimaru running at him with his arms open wide._

"_HOLY SHIT ! ,'' Sasuke shouted._

_Next Orochimaru jumped on Sasuke and proceeded to have sex with him._

Itachi in Sasuke's Genjutsu :

_Itachi looked up and saw the Care Bears running at him._

"_We bring you love ,'' they shouted._

"_AHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! ,'' Itachi shouted running away._

_One of the Care Bears tackled him to the ground and pulled his pants down._

In Reality :

Sasuke and Itachi were lying on the ground and with drool coming out of their mouths and were shaking.

"O-O-Orochimaru ,'' Sasuke muttered.

"C-C-Care Bears ,'' Itachi muttered.

The director looked at them.

"Get them to the infirmary ,'' she said.

THE END.


	5. Tsunade , Shizune And Labels

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 5 :**

"**Tsunade , Shizune and Labels''**

The director looked at the next two names on the list and then over at Tsunade and Shizune.

"TSUNADE AND SHIZUNE , IT'S YOUR TURN ! ,'' she shouted.

( ON STAGE )

Tsunade and Shizune walked out in front of the camera and each held up two bottles.

"Hello ,'' Shizune said smiling , "Today me and my friend Tsunade are going to talk to you about Labels.''

"Yep ,'' Tsunade stated.

"Okay , the label on this medicine bottle reads_ Mikiui_ ,'' she replied , "Which is a medicine used to cure an upset stomach.''

"Hmm ,'' Tsunade said.

"The label on this next bottle reads . . . .MOONSHINE ?! ,'' Shizune said , "WHERE THE HECK DID THIS COME FROM ?! LADY TUSNADE !''

"Oh , shut up ,'' she replied , "Give me that.''

Lady Tsunade took the bottle and then drank the whole thing. She hiccupped and her face turned red.

"Are you alright , Lady Tsunade ? ,'' Shizune asked.

"I . . . . .I . . . . .I WANT TO PARTY ALL NIGHT ! ,'' Tsunade shouted , "COME LADIES AND GENTELMEN ! TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND DANCE WITH TSUNADE !''

Next Naruto , Ten Ten , Sasuke , Neji , Hinata , Kiba , Lee and Kurenai all walked on to the stage in their underwear and started dancing with Tsunade in a circle.

"WE ARE THE HAPPY LEAF VILLAGE NINJA ,'' they all sang , "COME SING AND DANCE WITH US , WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT RAINBOWS YOU CAN THINK ABOUT US , SO COME SING AND DANCE WITH US !''

The director pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number.

"Hello , Todd ,'' she said , "I need a vacation.''

THE END.


	6. Ino And Konoha Beauty Products

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 6 :**

"**Ino and Konoha Beauty Products''**

The director sighed and looked at the next two names on the list. She smiled.

"INO , YOU'RE UP ! ,'' the director said , "_There is no way Ino can screw up this commercial._''

( ON STAGE )

Ino sat down and looked at the camera. She smiled and then began to do her commercial.

"Hello , friends ,'' Ino said , "My name is Ino Yamanaka and I'm going to talk to you today about Konoha Beauty Products. Our first item is KONOHA LIPSTICK. Itachi , can you come out here for a second and try this ?''

Itachi walked out on the stage and put the lipstick on his lips. Next he looked at the camera.

"AHHH ! ,'' Itachi screamed , "MY LIPS BURN ! THEY BURN !''

Itachi started to run around in circles and then Kisame ran out and kissed him on the lips. He broke the kiss after a few seconds and smiled.

"Ahhhh ,'' Itachi said , "That's better. Thanks , Kisame.''

Kisame walked off.

"Next up is KONOHA PERFUME ,'' Ino stated , "Sakura , can you come out and try this please ?''

"No problem ,'' Sakura said.

Sakura took the perfume bottle and sprayed some on herself. Next she turned around and Akamaure started panting.

"Hi , Akamarue ,'' Sakura stated , "Good boy. Nice doggie.''

Next Akamaure jumped on top of Sakura and knocked her on to the ground. Next he started to hump her.

"GROSS ! ,'' Ino said , "As you can see Konoha Perfume will have all the boys flocking to you. Even the animals. Next up is KONOHA MAKE UP. They'll make even the ugliest person look magnificent. Madara , can come out here for a second ?''

"Sure ,'' Madara stated.

He walked out and Ino handed him the make up. Madara put on the make up and then turned around to see Itachi.

"Wow , Madara ,'' Itachi said , "You look ravishing in that make up. It really brings out your eyes.''

Next he jumped on Madara and started to have sex with him.

"Okay ,'' Ino exclaimed , "And for our last item KONOHA EYE SHADOW. It will make your eyes look sexy and ravishing. Konan , can you come out here please ?''

Konan walked out on to the stage and bowed. Next she took the eye shadow and put it on her eyes. Konan blinked and then passed out.

"Konan , are you alright ? ,'' Ino asked.

Ino walked over to her and then Konan got to her feet and ran off the stage.

"THE MONKEYS ARE AFTER ME ! ,'' Konan shouted.

Ino blinked again and looked up at the sky.

"Okay then ,'' she said , "That's all the time we have for today. Thank you.''

The director laughed.

"Great job , Ino ,'' The Director stated.

THE END.


	7. Jiraiya , Kakashi and The FNUBS

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 7 :**

"**Jiraiya , Kakashi and The First Naruto Uncut Boxset''**

The director sat in her seat and looked up at the stage. She sighed and then picked up her microphone.

"JIRAYA AND KAKASHI IT'S YOU'RE TURN ! ,'' she called.

( ON STAGE )

Kakashi and Jiraya walked on to the stage and looked at the camera.

"Are we recording now ? ,'' Jiraya asked.

The director nodded.

"Super ,'' he said , "Alright my friend Kakashi and I have come here today to promote the release of the first Naruto Uncut Boxset. This DVD set is 3 discs and is packed with the first 13 episodes of the series. However the great and powerful Jiraya is not in them.''

"And if you call the number 1-900-NARUTO SUCKS ,'' Kakashi said , "In the next five minuets you'll get the Naruto DVD box set along with a free Naruto t-shirt. So call now. Operators are standing by.''

Suddenly Gai appeared behind them drunk off his ass and holding a guitar.

"HOOOOOOOOOO ! ,'' Gai shouted , "WHAT'S GOING ON , PEOPLES ! THE LOVELY MITE GAI IS HERE TO PARTY HARTY ! YEEEEEEEAH , BABY ! GET THE PIZZA AND THE GIRLS AND COME TO MY BACK -

Gai stopped and saw a giant snake flying in the air. Next he screamed and fainted. Kakashi looked down at him and then back up at the director who was leaving the room because she was laughing so hard.

THE END.


	8. Itachi , Madara and Warnings Of OOMS

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 8 :**

"**Itachi , Madara and Warnings Of Overuse Of Mangekyo Sharingan''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at the next two names on the list. She laughed.

"Itachi and Madara you guys are up ,'' the director stated laughing.

( ON STAGE )

Itachi stood beside Madara and they waved at the camera. Madara was wearing sunglasses and was holding a cane.

"Greetings , folks ,'' Itachi said.

"We are here to discuss what happens when you over use the Mangekyo Sharingan ,'' Madara stated , "One of the definite effects is blindness. That's what happened to me. I'm completely blind.''

"And hard of hearing and stupid ,'' he muttered.

"What ? ,'' Madara asked.

"Nothing ,'' Itachi said , "Another effect of overusing the Mangekyo Sharingan is the ability to be an absolute dumb ass like my friend Madara here for over using it in the first place.''

"Shut up , Itachi ,'' he replied.

"You see folks ,'' Itachi explained , "If he had been using his BRAIN ( though I doubt he has one ) before he overused the Mangekyo Sharingan he wouldn't be blind now would he ? No.''

"You got something to say , Itachi ? ,'' Madara asked.

"Yes ,'' he stated , "YOU'RE A DUMBASS ! THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO SAY !''

Madara stared at him and then ran away crying. Itachi blinked and then looked at the camera. Suddenly Madara came driving in to the studio on a steam roller. Next he ran Itachi over and laughed insanely.

"Okaaaaaay ,'' the director said , "That's a wrap.''

THE END.


	9. Kiba's Pet Store

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 9 :**

"**Kiba's Pet Store''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at the next two names on the list. She looked up.

"Kiba and Shino you guys are up ,'' she said.

( ON STAGE )

Kiba and Shino stood on the stage with seven cages behind him. Shino waved at the camera.

"Greetings everyone ,'' Kiba said , "My name is Kiba and this is my friend Shino. Welcome to Kiba's Pet Store. We sell the strangest pets you can find. Like our 10 headed Zebras.''

Kiba pulled a cloth off of a cage to show the 10 headed Zebra.

"And we have the 9 eared cat ,'' he said.

Shino pulled a cloth off a cage to show the 9 eared cat.

"And we also have a Nine Tailed Fox ,'' Kiba said , "This animal is a real treat because he's the only one in existence.''

Shino pulled off the cloth to revile Kyubi in a cage. Kyubi smiled and waved at the camera.

"_Hi , mom_ ,'' Kyubi said.

Suddenly Madara Uchiha walked by whistling. Kyubi growled.

"_MADARA UCHIHA !_ ,'' Kyubi shouted , "_DIE YOU SON OF A BITCH !_''

Madara stopped walking and whistling and turned to see Kyubi breaking out of his cage and running at him with murder in his eyes.

"GOOD SHIT ! ,'' Madara shouted.

Next he turned around and started running. Kyubi chased after him.

"That's a wrap ,'' the Director said between fits of laughter.

THE END.


	10. Ten Ten , Naruto and The Konoha TBS

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 10 :**

"**Ten Ten , Naruto and The Konoha Teddy Bear Sale''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at the list again. She looked up at the stage.

"TEN TEN AND NARUTO IT'S YOUR TURN ! ,'' she said.

( ON STAGE )

Ten Ten and Naruto walked on to the stage and sat down in two chairs. Naruto smiled and waved.

"Good morning , Konoha ,'' Naruto said.

"Naruto and I would like to promote The Konoha Teddy Bear Sale ,'' Ten Ten said holding up a Teddy Bear , "We are selling these cute adorable little Teddy Bears at just $2.00 per bear. So come down and buy one , please ? You won't be disappointed. These little guys are soft and cuddly and you can sleep with them at night.''

"Ohhh ,'' a voice said , "Ohhhh. WHO'S YOUR DADDY ?!''

"What the heck ? ,'' Naruto asked.

Naruto and Ten Ten got up and walked back stage to see the most frightening thing they'd ever seen. Orochimaru was having sex with a teddy bear.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ?! ,'' Naruto shouted.

"AHHHH ! ,'' Orochimaru shouted , "COME ON , MR. BEANS !''

Next he got up and ran out of the room with the teddy bear.

"What the fuck was that ? ,'' Naruto asked.

The director fainted.

THE END.


	11. Gai , Lee , Neji , Ten Ten and TKKS

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 11 :**

"**Gai , Lee , Neji , Ten Ten and The Konoha Karate School''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at the list. She looked up at the stage.

"GAI , LEE , NEJI AND TEN TEN YOU GUYS ARE UP ! ,'' the director shouted.

( ON STAGE )

Gai stood with his three students and smiled at the camera. Ten Ten waved and smiled.

"Good morning , guys ,'' Gai said , "My names Mite Gai and me and my three students are promoting The Konoha Karate School.''

"If you come in to train you will become the best within a week of training under Gai-sensei's awesome training ,'' Lee said.

"As if ,'' Ten Ten muttered under her breath.

"Suck up ,'' Neji whispered to Lee.

"I am not a suck up ,'' he replied , "Gai-sensei is the best at everything he dose.''

"Except when comes to getting women ,'' Ten Ten muttered under her breath.

"You got that right ,'' Neji said.

"ENOUGH ! ,'' Lee shouted , "I WILL TAKE YOU BOTH ON RI - OOF !''

Suddenly a cow ran in to Lee and sent him flying in to Gai and they both fell off the stage. The cow mooed and walked off.

"Hey ,'' a ninja said walking on to the stage , "I'm looking for Mite Gai. Is here somewhere ?''

"I'm Mite Gai ,'' Gai said.

Next the kid kicked Gai in the head knocking him unconscious. Neji looked down at Gai and then glared up at the ninja.

"BYAKUGAN ! ,'' Neji said activating his Byakugan.

The ninja laughed and ran at him. Neji moved and kicked the ninja in the face. Next he punched him 85 times in the stomach and the ninja passed out.

"To call for lessons call 1-800-Kick Ass Karate School ,'' Neji said.

"Cut ,'' the director stated , "That was perfect.''

THE END.


	12. Anko and The Konoha Zoo

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 12 :**

"**Anko and The Konoha Zoo''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at the list. She looked up at the stage.

"ANKO , YOU'RE UP ! ,'' the director shouted.

( ON STAGE )

Anko walked on to the stage and smiled. She looked up and blew a kiss to Naruto who was watching her in the back. Naruto smiled and blushed.

"Hello everyone ,'' Anko said , "My name's Anko and today I'm promoting The Konoha Zoo. We have lots of animals. We have one tailed Raccoons , Dodo Birds , Pinkiky Birds , Saltwater Birds , Giant Snakes and more.''

Anko looked up at Orochimaru and motioned for him to come over. He walked over to her.

"And last but not least we have . . . .The Nine Tailed Fox ,'' Anko said.

She uncovered the cage and Kyubi waved at the camera.

"Hi , everyone ,'' Kyubi said , "What's . . . .

He looked over at Orochimaru.

"YOU ! ,'' Kyubi shouted.

Next he started growling and then he ran against the cage knocking the door off. Orochimaru gasped and started sweating.

"You are dead ,'' Kyubi said.

Next Orochimaru ran away screaming with Kyubi chasing after him. Anko fell to the floor laughing her ass off.

"You are evil ,'' Naruto said.

"I know ,'' Anko stated.

"That's a wrap ,'' the director said between fits of laughter.

THE END.


	13. Madara , Sasuke and Kyubi and The KTF

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 13 :**

"**Madara , Sasuke and Kyubi and The Konoha Toy Fair''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at the list. She looked up at the stage.

"MADARA , SASUKE AND KYUBI YOU GUYS ARE UP ! ,'' the director shouted.

( ON STAGE )

Madara , Sasuke and Kyubi walked on to the stage and waved at the camera. Madara smiled.

"Hello everyone ,'' Madara said , "Me and my friends would appreciate it if you would come to The Konoha Toy Fair on August 15th.''

"There will be games , prizes and free food and drinks ,'' Kyubi said.

"There will also be toys that will be given away to all the kids that come ,'' Sasuke said.

"Yeah ,'' Madara said , "So bring the kids grownups and have a blast.''

"Yep ,'' Kyubi stated , "And we'll have an apple throwing contest to see who can hit this mother fucker in the face with fifty apples.''

Kyubi pointed to Madara. Madara punched him in the nose. Next Kyubi growled and then jumped on Madara tackling him to the ground. Kyubi then bit him on the shoulder.

"AHHHH ! ,'' Madara screamed , "YOU SON OF A BITCH ! MY SHOULDER ! LET GO OF MY SHOULDER !''

"BITE ME ! ,'' Kyubi said still biting down on Madara's shoulder.

Sasuke looked at them and then put his hand to his forehead.

"Idiots ,'' he muttered.

The director left the room laughing her ass off.

THE END.


	14. Orochimaru's Babysitting Service

_**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**_

_**CHAPTER : 14 :**_

"_**Orochimaru's Babysitting Service''**_

_The director sat in her chair and looked at the list. She looked up at the stage._

"_OROCHIMARU , YOU'RE UP ! ,'' the director shouted._

"_Oh , good shit ,'' Naruto said._

"_THE HELL ?! ,'' Shikamaru shouted._

"_FUCK ! ,'' Ino shouted._

"_RUN FOR YOUR LIVES ! ,'' Sakura shouted._

_( ON STAGE )_

_Orochimaru smiled and waved at the camera._

"_Greetings ,'' Orochimaru said , "I am starting baby sitting in Konoha. Bring your kids over to my house so I can take care of them for you. What's it cost you ask ? Nothing. Zip. Zilch. I'll take care of your kids for FREE. Just leave them alone with me for an hour a day and I'll make them happy. My number is 555-I LIKE CHILDREN. Call me anytime.''_

_The director fainted. Naruto and Anko shook with fear. Kakashi fainted._

"_So how did I do ? ,'' Orochimaru asked , "Guys ? Guys ?''_

_END OF CHAPTER : 14._


	15. The Akatsuki's Helpful Tips

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 15 :**

"**The Akatsuki's Helpful Tips''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at her list. Next she looked up at the stage.

"AKATSUKI , YOU GUYS ARE UP ! ,'' the director shouted.

( ON STAGE )

"Is everyone here ? ,'' Pein asked.

"Yep ,'' the rest of the Akatsuki members replied.

"Alright then ,'' Pein stated , "Today me and the other Akatsuki members are going to be giving helpful tips to the people that call in with questions.''

( RING , RING )

"Ah , we have our first caller ,'' Tobi said , "What is your name ?''

"Patty ,'' the caller replied.

"And what's your question ? ,'' Tobi asked.

"Am I going to get married in the future ? ,'' Patty asked.

"Lady this is Helpful Tips , not Future Telling ,'' he said , "Piss off.''

Tobi hung the phone up.

"The nerve of some people ,'' Tobi stated.

( RING , RING )

Madara answered the phone.

"Yes ? ,'' Madara asked , "This is Akatsuki Helpful Tips. Who's calling ?''

"Jim ,'' the caller said.

"Hi , Jim ,'' Madara replied , "What's your question ?''

"My wife is cheating on me ,'' Jim said , "What should I do ?''

"You want my honest opinion ? ,'' he asked.

"Yes ,'' Jim said.

"GO FUCK A SQUIRREL UP THE ASS ! ,'' Madara shouted , "YOUR PENIS IS PROABLY SMALL ENOUGH TO FIT UP THERE ! GOODBYE AND HAVE A ROTTEN DAY , ASSHOLE !''

Madara slammed the phone down.

( RING RING )

Sasori answered the phone.

"Yes ? ,'' Sasori asked , "This is Akatsuki Helpful Tips. Who's calling ?''

"Star Fire of Tameran ,'' the caller said.

"What's your question ? ,'' Sasori replied.

"What should I get my friend Raven for her birthday ? ,'' Star Fire asked.

"A BAG TO PUT OVER HER UGLY HEAD ! ,'' he shouted.

Next black energy shot out of the phone and sucked Sasori up.

FIVE HOURS LATER . . .

Sasori was lying on the floor drooling and shaking.

"Don't let the demons eat me ,'' Sasori said , "Don't let the demons eat me. Don't let the demons eat me.''

( RING , RING )

Hidan answered the phone.

"Yes ? ,'' Hidan asked.

"I found some money on the street ,'' the caller said , "What should I do ?''

"Give it to me and go fuck a camel ,'' Hidan replied.

Hidan hung up the phone.

( RING , RING )

Kisame answered the phone.

"Yes ? ,'' Kisame asked.

"Should I eat fish to live a long life ? ,'' the caller asked.

"YOU EAT A FISH AND I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU ! ,'' Kisame yelled , "Have a nice day.''

Kisame hung up the phone.

( RING RING )

Kakuzu answered the phone.

"Yes ? ,'' Kakuzu asked.

"Where dose the rainbow end ? ,'' the caller asked.

Kakuzu hung up the phone.

( RING RING )

Zetsu answered the phone.

"Hello ? ,'' his white half asked.

"What should I get my wife for our anniversary ? ,'' the man asked.

"_**A BAG FULL OF PISS**_ ,'' Zetsu's black half said.

Zetsu hung up the phone.

( RING RING )

Deidre answered the phone.

"Hello ? ,'' Deidre asked.

"When should I expect to get laid ? ,'' the caller asked.

"Are you married or going out with anyone ? ,'' Deidre asked.

"No ,'' the caller replied.

"NEVER , ASSWIPE ! ,'' he shouted.

Deidre hung up the phone.

( RING RING )

Konan answered the phone.

"Hello ? ,'' she asked.

"What should I do to satisfy my wife in bed ? ,'' the man asked.

"Let her have sex with me ,'' Konan replied seductively.

Konan hung up the phone.

( RING RING )

Itachi answered the phone.

"Hello ? ,'' he asked.

"I'm going blind ,'' the man said , "What should I do ?''

"Do you have a brother ? ,'' Itachi asked.

"Yes ,'' he said.

"Rip his eyes out , rip your own eyes out and then put your brother's eyes in to your eye sockets ,'' Itachi stated , "That should cure your vision problem.''

Itachi hung up the phone.

( RING RING )

Pein answered the phone.

"Hello ? ,'' he asked.

"I'm looking for Madara Uchiha so I can kick his ass ,'' the caller said , "Do you know where I can find him ?''

"No ,'' Pein stated.

Pein hung up the phone. The director laughed her ass off.

"And that's a wrap ,'' she said.

THE END.


	16. Akatsuki Daycare

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 16 :**

"**Akatsuki Daycare''**

The director sat in her in her chair and looked at her list. Next she looked up at the stage.

"AKATSUKI , YOU GUYS ARE UP ! ,'' the director shouted.

( ON STAGE )

"Hello ,'' Konan stated , "Welcome to Akatsuki Daycare. At Akatsuki Daycare you can be assure that your kids be well taken care of.''

Three kids stood behind Konan holding up a sign that said HELP ! WE'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED ! THIS WOMAN IS CRAZY AND THINKS SHE'S OUR MOTHER !

"Your kids will love the fun activities we have for them here at Akatsuki Daycare ,'' Konan said turning on a projector , "Swimming.''

The projector turned to a picture of the kids swimming in a pool and being chased by a shark.

"Hunting ,'' Konan said.

The projector turned to a picture of kids being hunted by the Akatsuki members. The Akatsuki members were holding spears.

"Fishing ,'' Konan stated.

The projector turned to a picture of a kid hanging off a giant hook that was attached to a boat that was being driving by Akatsuki.

"Cooking ,'' Konan said.

The projector turned to a picture of a kid hanging on a spit and Zetsu was roasting him over a fire.

"Archery ,'' Konan stated.

The projector turned to a picture of a kid tied to a target and Konan was firing an arrow at him.

"And last but not least . . .Jogging ,'' Konan said.

The projector turned to a picture of five kids running and Sasori and Hidan were firing machine guns at their feet to make them run.

"Call anytime ,'' Konan stated , "Our number is 1-900-WE LOVE KIDS. Thank you for your time.''

The director clapped her hands and the rest of the Akatsuki cheered. Konan bowed.

THE END.


	17. Konoha Professinoal Help

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 17 :**

"**Konoha Professional Help''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at her list. Next she looked up at the stage.

"PEIN , MADARA AND ITACHI YOU GUYS ARE UP ! ,'' the Director said.

( ON STAGE )

Pein , Madara and Itachi were wearing strait jackets and were sitting in chairs. Pein smiled.

"Hi ,'' Pein said , "Me and my friends are sponsoring Konoha Professional Help. If you're an insane nutcase like us then call 1-900-I'M A FUCKING NUT CASE right now. This is not a joke.''

"That's right ,'' Itachi stated , "Mental help is important. If your mental illness goes untreated then you'll end up like us and trust me. You don't want that.''

"Exactly ,'' Madara exclaimed , "So please call 1-800-I'M A FUCKING RETARD-

"Nut case ,'' Itachi and Pein corrected.

"1-800-I'M A FUCKING NUTCASE right now ,'' he said , "Because if you call right now we'll give you free t-shirts and candy.''

Pein , Itachi and the Director shook with fear.

"Scary ,'' the Director said , "Ooooookay. That's a wrap.''

THE END.


	18. Konoha Pool Party

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 18 :**

"**Konoha Pool Party''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at her list. Next she looked up at the stage.

"KAKASHI AND KONAN YOU GUYS ARE UP ! ,'' the Director shouted.

( ON STAGE )

"Hello ,'' Kakashi said.

"We would really appreciate it if you would come to the Konoha Pool Party on June 20th ,'' Konan stated quietly.

"There will be snacks and fun ,'' Kakashi said , "So -

Suddenly a water balloon hit Kakashi in the face. Konan looked up to see Madara laughing his ass off.

"Oh , yeah ,'' Madara exclaimed , "I got you good.''

"There will be snacks and fun ,'' Kakashi repeated , "So -

Madara started playing a trumpet really loud.

"THAT'S IT ! ,'' Kakashi shouted.

Next he ran and jumped off the stage tackling Madara to the ground. Kakashi then started beating Madara up.

"So come to the Konoha Pool Party ,'' Konan said , "It will be loads of fun.''

"That's a wrap ,'' the Director stated.

THE END.


	19. Konan Haircuts

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 19 :**

"**Konan Haircuts''**

The director sat in her chair and looked at her list. Next she looked up at the stage.

"KONAN , YOU'RE UP ! ,'' the Director shouted.

( ON STAGE )

"Greetings ,'' Konan stated sweetly , "I would really appreciate it if you would come down to Konan Haircuts. I can give any haircut you desire. I can give you a Mohawk.''

Konan opened a curtain to reveal Naruto with a Mohawk.

"Wass up ? ,'' Naruto said.

"A flat top ,'' Konan explained.

Konan opened a curtain to reveal Sasuke with a flat top. Sasuke was shaking and holding his head.

"My hair ,'' Sasuke said , "My beautiful hair.''

"And even bald ,'' Konan stated.

Konan opened a curtain to reveal a bald Hinata.

"WLL THIS IS JUST SPE-FUCKING-TACULAR ! ,'' Hinata said , "I'M FUCKING BALD , YOU CRAZY BITCH !''

Hinata jumped out of her chair and tackled Konan to the ground. Next Hinata ripped out eighteen strands of Konan's hair. Konan screamed and ran off the stage.

"TAKE THAT YOU BLUE HAIRED BITCH ! ,'' Hinata screamed.

The director laughed.

"That's a wrap ,'' she said.

THE END.


	20. Madara and Kyubi and Friendship

**NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :**

**CHAPTER : 20 :**

"**Madara and Kyubi and Friendship''**

The Director sat in her chair and looked at her list. Next she looked up at the stage.

"MADARA AND KYUBI YOU GUYS ARE UP ! ,'' the Director shouted.

( ON STAGE )

Madara and Kyubi walked on to the stage and smiled.

"Hello ,'' Madara said , "My friend Kyubi and I would like to talk to you about something very important today.''

"Friendship ,'' Kyubi stated , "It's what makes the world go round.''

"Yes ,'' he replied , "Me and Kyubi are the best of friends.''

"Yeah ,'' Kyubi said , "We've been friends for almost 100 years and we'll never stop because having friends is important.''

"Yes ,'' Madara exclaimed , "If you don't have friends then you've got nothing.''

"Exactly ,'' he replied.

"But if you want a really good friend don't be friends with this fucktard of a fox Kyubi ,'' Madara explained.

"What was that ? ,'' Kyubi growled.

"You heard me you Nine tailed little bitch ,'' he said.

"WELL SAY IT AGAIN ! ,'' Kyubi shouted.

"Alright then ,'' Madara stated , "Kyubi . . . .is. . . .a . . . .bitch.''

Kyubi growled and jumped on top of Madara. Next they started to beat each other up.

"YOU'RE MOTHER IS A WHORE ! ,'' Kyubi shouted.

"SUCK MY BALLS ! ,'' Madara shouted.

"YOU FIRST ! ,'' he shouted back.

The Director clapped her hands and laughed.

"And we're done ,'' she said.

END OF CHAPTER : 20.


End file.
